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I used to think a dinner date should always end with a kiss. Now I think that expectation ruins things.
Back in my 20s, if a date didn't end with at least a peck on the cheek, I'd feel like it was a complete failure. I'd sit there replaying every thing I said, wondering what I did wrong. This one time in 2017, I went out with a guy from my yoga class. We had a great two hours talking about hiking and his dog. At the door, I leaned in and he just froze. I got in my car and practically drove home in tears. A friend told me I was probably coming on too strong. It took me a few more awkward tries like that before it clicked. Now, I just see the first date as a chance to see if we can have a decent conversation without any awkward silences. The kiss pressure just feels hollow and forced to me now. Has anyone else shifted their thinking on what makes a first date a success?
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william_carter3mo ago
Yeah, that part about "replaying everything I said" hit home for me. I used to do the same thing after dates that didn't end with a kiss. It's like we put this weird pressure on ourselves to perform and check a box. Now I just want to know if I can actually stand being around the person for more than an hour. A handshake or a simple "goodnight" is perfectly fine if we had a real conversation. That hollow feeling you describe is exactly why I stopped caring about the kiss thing years ago.
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drew_park3mo ago
Man, @william_carter really nailed it there. That whole pressure to kiss on the first date is just pointless. I had a date once where we talked for three hours about nothing important, just easy stuff like bad movies and weird food. No kiss, just a hug goodnight, but I felt great. Those hollow dates where you force a kiss just end up feeling like a waste of time.
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