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Unpopular opinion: I got my loud party neighbor to quiet down by being nice instead of calling the cops
I live in a duplex in Denver and my neighbor throws parties every Friday that go until 3 AM. I tried everything. Complaining to the landlord did nothing. Calling the cops just made him mad and the next week he'd crank it up louder. So after three cycles of this I baked him a batch of cookies and went over at 5 PM before a party started. I said hey I know you like to have fun and I don't want to be a jerk but I gotta be up at 6 for work. Can we make a deal? He looked shocked. Then he actually agreed to move the speakers to the back of his place and end things by midnight. It's been 2 months and it's working. Has anyone else tried the nice route and had it backfire or actually work?
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blair_dixon2mo ago
That's smart but there's something deeper here that people miss. You basically gave him a social out for his bad behavior without making him feel attacked. Most people when they complain they come in hot and angry which puts the other person on defense. But cookies and a calm talk at 5 PM before anything even started changed the whole context. You weren't the enemy coming to shut him down, you were a neighbor asking for a favor. It's like how you can get someone to do almost anything if you let them save face. The cops and landlord both made him feel like a criminal, but you treated him like a reasonable adult. That's the real trick that nobody talks about.
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ross.kevin2mo ago
Huh, I gotta disagree a little bit here. I mean yeah, cookies and a calm talk are nice and all, but I think people overthink this whole "letting them save face" thing. Sometimes a guy just needs to hear straight up that his music is rattling your windows late at night, and a firm but polite "hey, can you turn it down?" works better than trying to be all strategic about it. In my experience, if someone is clueless about being loud, a direct request is all it takes. If they're being a jerk on purpose, then no amount of baked goods is gonna fix it, you know?
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